Every summer, Americans gather round to celebrate the existence of one of the most gluttonous predatory beasts known to the modern world…and then, after the Fourth of July is over, we move on to Shark Week.
Since 1987, The Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week” has garnered a cult following of elementary students and flannel-laden college hipsters by offering the world a passing glance into a primordial heart of darkness that, despite our advances and self-proclaimed dominance over the natural world, allows us to reflect on our insignificance against the greater evolutionary track…or maybe it’s just because sharks are ironic.
Note to self - Never type “hipster shark” into Google image search again…
But regardless of the reasoning behind Shark Week, I think twenty-four years of rehashed documentaries and Jaws re-runs is long enough. The time has come for sharks to pass the torch. If I may be inclined to do so, I wish to offer an alternative:
Orca Week.
Why Orcas, you ask? Allow me to present exhibit A:
Be sure to pay extra special attention around the thirty-eight second mark. You know, the part where the whale flicks his tail and launches a fully-grown seal like a soggy rocket. Can a shark do that? The answer is probably no.
Also, this:
I rest my case.
